[Prompt -- WHWN picture of frost or snowflakes, 2007-11-05] Jennifer ran out of the house, hoping like usual that she'd be able to avoid her father if she moved fast enough. She also liked jogging. She had to stay fit somehow. She shivered and wondered if the sweat pants were going to be enough for her this morning. She could see her breath in puffs a foot ahead of her as she ran. She decided to jog in place for a moment, trying to see if she could avoid going back to the house for heavier clothes. Her muscles began to warm up as she moved and she grinned and jogged down the road. She could feel her nose, cold against the chilly wind. She wondered how Raven had fared in this weather. Ever since the rain had started, she had been worried. She had seen the little room in the back of the burned out church where she stayed, seen the temperature fall, and had even stayed a night a month ago, cuddled up against her for warmth as the night time temperatures fell. She checked her watch. Ten thirty. If it was this cold at ten thirty still, she could imagine what the night time had been. Twenty? Thirty, maybe. Still below freezing, and with the steady wind off the water, it was a bone-chilling cold. She couldn't remember it getting this cold ever before. Just relentless cold and blowing rain. She'd heard the news as she slipped past her father in her morning escape that there might be snow this year. First time in twenty years that snow had hit the city. She remembered the biting cold that came with wet snow, which even though she'd come from winter herelf, she wasn't prepared for when she'd gone to visit her cousins up north. Here, though, she didn't expect to see snow. She shrugged. Twenty or thirty minutes, if she was lucky, and she'd have found Raven and they'd be holed up somewhere or out throwing snowballs. She jogged to the bus stop. The wind was harder at the bottom of the hill, something about how the land fit against the water made certain spots windier and colder than the rest, and the city in its infinite uncaring had put the bus shelter right there. She jogged in place to keep herself warm and blew on her hands. She was thankful when the bus pulled in a little early, leaving her to wait only a few minutes. It was nearly empty inside. She supposed that the rush had passed, or everyone decided to stay inside since it was so cold. She sat down on a seat near the front. She thought she recognized the girl across the aisle from school and smiled at her. The girl stood up and moved to the back of the bus and glared at her. Jennifer was a little taken aback by the hostility. She shrugged and turned back to toward the front of the bus. The ride wasn't long, and the bus skipped half the stops anyway since nobody was waiting. She signalled for her stop. The girl in the back stood up too, and stood by the rear door as Jennifer stepped toward the front. The bus lurched to its stop and Jennifer stumbled out the door. As she tried to catch her balance, the girl from the back of the bus rammed into her. "Freak." She shrunk a little inside. "Whoa, where'd that come from?" "I see you hanging out with your freak friends. That pink-haired chick with the dreads? Real classy." Jennifer shrunk even more. Raven was more than a friend at this point. She felt like kicking something or someone. The girl must have figured out that she'd hit the button, because she grinned, and not nicely. "Whatever." Jennifer tried to brush it off, but it rankled. She watched the girl stalk off, thankfully the opposite direction from the stop than she was headed. Jennifer tried to remember the girl's name, or anything about her, what classes they might have together, and came up empty. She sighed, not sure whether the fact that she didn't even know the girl should weigh heavier or lighten the load. The friendship, or whatever the hell it is, is going to be a little harder than I suspected, she thought. She went to go find Raven, never the easiest task. She could be anywhere in the city, though now Jennifer had quite a few ideas where to look, and knew how to find likely spots. She turned down the alley and tried to remember where Raven had been talking about last. The church that was usually home base was a few blocks away so she searched heading that way. She shivered as the first few flakes fell and wished she'd brought heavier clothes. Just fall already, she thought. Get a little insulation at least. It always warmed up a little once the snow got going. Not that it would be warm, but it'd be better than the freezing rain. She jogged down the alley toward the church, glancing into each spot with any shelter. She wasn't sure whether she'd find Raven in or out today, with the weather trying as hard as it could to make everyone miserable. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Another block, another deserted alleyway. This one had a couple of unused storage buildings on it, one of which she knew Raven had broken the lock on. She twisted the bolt on the door the way Raven had shown her, and it swung open. A couple of cardboard boxes stood in the back, but no sign of human life. The inside was just as cold as the air outside, and there was no insulation. It'd keep someone dry, but warm was another matter. She sighed and slammed the door back shut. One more block to the church. She ran harder, trying to stay something like warm. She got to the chainlink fence and found the spot where the fence could be pushed aside. She jumped through it, barely managing not to snag her sweat pants. She never could figure out how Raven did it wearing a backpack, carrying a skateboard, with waist-length dreads, flowing scarves and baggy jeans. She ducked through the doors of the church, dodging the unmoving piles of debris. She was amused that she could navigate around the charred remains so easily. She entered the back office, and saw the door to the little store room slightly ajar. She pulled it open the rest of the way. Something wasn't right. The door ajar like that, for one. Something didn't smell right, she thought. Raven was always so careful to not seem like she was there at first glance. She crawled inside, leaving the door open so she could see. She thought she saw Raven huddled in the corner, but it was hard to tell with the pile of old blankets. She saw her pack and relaxed a little. She crawled toward the pile of girl and blankets at the far side of the tiny room and prodded Raven. The pile moved as Raven turned over. Jennifer felt her stomach clench when she saw her face. I know what that smell is, she thought. Sweat. The kind when someone's sick. Raven's face was pale and moist. She squinted up at Jennifer. She looks like a mole. She laughed at that, and Raven smiled weakly as she did. Jennifer relaxed a little at the smile. "Hey, sweetie. How are you? You're not looking so good." "Uuuh. Yeaah. I feel sick." Raven was shivering. The room wasn't warm. Jennifer pulled herself the rest of the way into the room and pulled the door mostly shut after her, leaving just a sliver of light. She felt Raven's forehead. Hot. No surprise there. "It's snowing outside." Raven nodded. "How long have you been sick?" Jennifer worried. With the final exams this week, she hadn't had time to find Raven in days. "I... I don't know? A couple days?" Raven looked like she was going to panic. "It's okay. Sssh." A couple days, feverish. Jennifer cursed. "Stupid classes getting in the way of what's really important." Raven smiled weakly again. "You're hot. You need something to get rid of that fever. I bet it's flu. Half my class had it a couple weeks ago." Raven shook her head. "You really need something. Fever like that, and not staying warm. You could get really sick." "I don't... you don't have..." Raven trailed off, looking particularly drained. "I'll be back." Jennifer's mind spun, trying to figure out how to help. The market back on Brook street would have something that would help with the fever at least. And maybe some crackers and soda. She slid out of the little room and hurried to keep herself warm. Can't call dad, can't call Grandma. Looks like medicine from the store and whatever to keep her warm. She sighed. 'Raven who?' was not a question she wanted to answer today, and doubly so not right now. Back down the alley. She jogged across the silent side-streets, watching the few cars on Brook Street as she passed. Another block. She jogged out to Brook Street and into the market. She shook her head in amazement. Even on a day like today, the sea of people inside hadn't seemed to abate. She slid into a line that seemed to be heading toward the aisle where the medicines were kept. Someone was mopping mud that the crowd dragged in, and she was amazed that he had room to move among the tiny aisles and crowd of people. She realized she wasn't quite sure what to look for and scanned over labels looking for words like "fever" and "flu". She tried to make sense of the packaging, and found a decent sized bottle of something generic. A woman with a small cart and squeaky boots pushed past her and she nearly fell into the shelf. She wondered if this store ever paused, and figured it probably didn't. She finally made her decision and the throng caught her up the moment she let it. She eyed crackers and snatched them on her way to the register, then spied a few cans of soup just out of her reach. She fought the line backward to reach them, and then stood in the line. She smiled at the cashier, and she smiled back. She looks nice, thought Jennifer. "For you dear?" The cashier was smiling at her softly, and gestured at the medicines. "For my fri... for my girlfriend." What the hell. She's my girlfriend, or close enough. I can admit it, I guess. The cashier flashed her a grin, and Jennifer thought that it might have meant more than she caught. She shrugged and paid, took her bag and slipped back out into the cold. The jog back to the church seemed to take forever. The road and the alley were both getting slippery, and Jennifer hesitated to run any faster. She wasn't used to the icy footing. If this keeps up, she thought, I'm going to need better shoes. She slipped back inside. If you can call it inside, she thought to herself. I guess it counts. It's ten degrees warmer than outside. Raven was where she had left her. If it was possible, she thought, looking even more pale. "Raven." No answer. "Raven!" She stirred and didn't quite wake. Jennifer knelt by her and gently rocked her shoulder until she woke. "You came back!" Raven looked genuinely surprised. "I thought I was dreaming!" The surprise just made her look even more fragile. It unnerved Jennifer just how much that made her feel inadequate too. "I got medicine. I hope it helps. And crackers. And soup." "Soup?" Jennifer smiled softly. "I can get you soup. . . You have a can opener, right?" "Front pocket." Raven tried to sit up. Her breath was more ragged from the exhertion. Jennifer fished into the pack and pulled out the can opener. It was old, she could tell, and beat up. Just a single flap of metal with a hook. She looked at it for a moment, trying to figure out how to use it. Raven tried to explain. "Church key." She mumbled a little after, and gestured with her hands. Jennifer laughed gently and tried to clasp Raven's hands and settle her down. She pried at the can, and eventually figured out how to push just right to make it cut. Geez, I can see why they invented the electric kind, she thought to herself. "No-chicken noodle. I'm sure it's better warm, but you know." Raven smiled again and struggled to say "It's fine." Jennifer put the can in her hand and helped her lift it up. Sipping the soup took most of her concentration. Half the can later, she mumbled "So tired." Jennifer helped re-pile the blankets, trying to keep out the worst of the cold. She gently rolled in next to Raven, and pulled the beat-up bedroll, still attached to Raven's backpack and opened it, curled it around the two of them. She shivered, getting cold herself. Raven's fevered body felt good nestled next to hers. A few moments later, they were both asleep. * * * Jennifer woke up, disoriented and stiff. She blinked and tried to figure out what time it was and where she was before she remembered Raven being sick, that she was in the room in the back of the burned out church. She groped for the door, for Raven, tried to get her bearings. She was alone. She pawed the door open, and it didn't get any lighter. She squinted in the dim light and made out the doorway to the church office. She stood up slowly, every joint hurting, and limped out into the main room of the church. "Raven?" "Raven?" She saw her silhouette, holding herself up by the back of one of the remaining pews. The snow outside the half-open door was reflecting enough light to make out that much at least. "Uh?" Jennifer tottered closer, stiff muscles still rebelling. Raven? Raven turned toward her. "I had to stretch. It hurts so much." A shiver shook her body and she nearly fell. Jennifer caught her and helped push her back upright. "You okay?" "I... I dunno." Raven seemed shaky, but she /was/ standing. "What time is it?" "I.. I dunno." Jennifer squinted at her watch, and thought she made out 6pm. Shit. Her father would be out looking for her if she wasn't home soon. She wondered how it could be so late. "Sleep more?" she asked Raven. "Yeah." Raven sounded more tired than Jennifer had ever heard. Jennifer helped support her back to the makeshift bed. "I have to go." "Mmmmhm" Raven was nearly asleep already. Jennifer closed the door after her, leaving Raven in the dark. She tiptoed out, trying not to disturb the snowy silence. She shivered. Damnit, she thought. Now I really am under-dressed for this. The night air was cold in a way she was totally unprepared for. Humid, bone-chilling. When she stepped out of the church, there was enough of a wind to make any pretense of staying warm an impossibility. She stamped and tried to figure out what to do. Busses don't run very often this late. As if 6pm is late. Call dad? He's going to be angry I wasn't home. She saw a bus pass on Brook street. Damnit. Half an hour until the next one. That made up her mind. She walked up to Brook, then along it, scanning windows for something open. Coffeeshop was just closing. That'd do. She shivered as she stepped in. "May I use your phone?" "Sure dear. You mean to be out in that weather dressed like that?" "No, I was out all day, and it's colder now. I wasn't going to be out this late." She dialed her father and sighed. "Dad?" She paused. "Yeah, it's me, Jennifer. I'm down on Brook. At the coffeeshop. Yeah, it's cold, half an hour to the next bus." She slammed the receiver down. "He hung up on me!" "Geez, you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." Jennifer fumed. "I just have to figure out how to get home in this cold without freezing." "Where do you live?" "Panoramic." The barista nodded. "If you can hang out ten minutes, I'll be done here. I live in the riverbottom past there. I'd be glad to drive you." "Really?" Relief must have flooded Jennifer's face, because the barista said "Dear, of course!" They pulled into Jennifer's driveway. The porchlight snapped on, and Jennifer winced, imagining her father standing just inside the door, watching angrily. The light looked harsh and piercing with the ret of the house dark. "Thank you." "Of course!" She waved as she closed the car door, took a breath and hurried inside. The cold was more friendly than her father, perhaps, but it would be a toss up as to which was more forgiving. Her father was sitting in the wooden chair in the hallway, glaring at her. "Hi, dad." "Where have you been?" She had tried to figure out what the answer to that question would be in the car, and had failed then. It wasn't any easier now. "I was out with a friend. She was sick, I went to the store to get her soup. She's okay." "I'm sure she is." Cold stare. Not good. Jennifer withdrew as much as she could into the thin sweatshirt. "Jennifer, you can't keep doing this. You're gone all day when you should be studying, you don't tell me where you are. This is not okay." "Yes. I'll do better." She sounded defeated, she knew it. She hoped he'd just give in and let the lecture be it. "I should really ground you for this, but I'll let it slide this time." "Yes, dad." "Jennifer?" "Yes?" "It's for your own good." Like hell it is. You just need to control someone and since you can't control mom anymore, you take it out on me. Bastard. "Yes, dad." I can't wait to turn eighteen, she thought. I could live in a burned out building like Raven easier than this. She remembered how pale Raven had been and worry replaced the anger at her father. "I'll see you at breakfast then?" It wasn't a question and Jennifer knew it. "Yes." "And next time, take a coat. Goodnight." He stalked up the stairs. What a prick tonight. She wondered who spat in his highball. The light snapped off as her father reached the top of the stairs, so she took off her jacket in the dark and wandered back in the house toward the laundry to drop things off. She realized she smelled of sickness and sweat. She pulled off her dirty, wet layers and wandered toward the bathroom. A shower should help, she thought. Get warm. Dry off after. She started the water and she heard the phone ring. She slammed off the water and ran to answer it. Nobody calls here in the evening. It's not like Dad has friends who call. She heard her dad's voice from the upstairs hallway. "You going to get that?" She picked up. "Jennifer?" The voice on the other end was scratchy. Raven. "Whoa, what's up?" If Raven had gone to find a phone, something was wrong. "Can you come down? I'm in the emergency room." Jennifer instantly started to panic. "The one at Mercy." Jennifer knew exactly which one. Fifteen blocks from the church. Nearest hospital. Ten minutes drive if she could take the car. A hell of a run if she had to run, and the busses weren't running. "I... I fell. I was so dizzy." "Are you okay?!" "I'm gonna be okay. I'm just still sick and I have a cut. I think the scar is going to be fun." Raven was croaking in a voice barely above a whisper. "I'll be there. I'm not sure how fast. I might not be able to get the car." "Okay." Jennifer hung up. The panic wasn't subsiding. Keys. Keys. Where are the keys? She rummaged through her dad's jacket hanging by the door. Nothing. Fuck. I bet he hid them. Bastard. She grabbed her coat and gloves and opened the front door as quietly as she could. She ran. I am really glad that I took track last semester, she thought. She was surprised at how many blocks she could manage. The cold night air cut into her lungs. Ten blocks and she had to slow to a fast walk. Come on. Twenty more. She walked two more, then tried the run again. Another five. Damnit, it takes so long on foot. She was just glad that it was the hospital closest to her house too. She arrived at the emergency entrance out of breath. She walked inside. "Hi. I'm looking for my friend Raven." The nurse looked at her and watched her breathe a moment. "Are you okay?" "Yeah." Jennifer put her hands on her hips and focused on breathing. "I am." she panted. "I ran", another breath, "the whole way." The nurse raised one eyebrow and nodded. Alright then. This way. Jennifer followed the nurse into the emergency room a bit. Raven was sitting on an exam table, propping herself up with her arms. There was blood on her shirt, and there was a long row of stitches on her jaw. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." Raven wobbled a little. "What happened?" "I... I tried to take a walk. I got so dizzy. I fell. I don't remember what I hit. I got up. A cop picked me up and took me here. I guess I was bleeding pretty bad." Jennifer looked her up and down. "You're so pale." Raven nodded and wobbled. "I bled a lot. And so sick." She leaned over against the top of the exam table. "They want me to stay a few more hours. It's so cold out." "Do they know you're homeless?" "Nah. I said I lived with my cousin." "Oh man. Okay." Jennifer sat down in the chair next to Raven. "How'd you get here?" "I ran." "Thirty blocks?" "Yeah. Well, I walked a lot. I just about passed out." "I bet." "Stay with me a while?" "Okay. Dad will be pissed if he wakes up and sees I'm not home. I don't care anymore." "You sure?" "Yeah." Raven managed a weak smile. Jennifer watched her, and Raven fell asleep a few moments later. "Jennifer? It's Jennifer, right?" The nurse was shaking her shoulder. "Huh?" She blinked. What time is it? She shook her head a little and opened her eyes. The Emergency room. Right. "Hey, dear. Your friend is ready to go home. You have a ride?" Jennifer shook her head. "Shall we call you a cab?" "No, that's okay. I'll ride with Raven." Jennifer looked around. She saw Raven staring at a form, sitting by the entrance. She walked over to where she was sitting. "Let's go?" Raven nodded and signed her name across the line at the bottom of the page. "Sure." The cab pulled up outside the door a few minutes later. "Where to?" "Uh. Sixteenth and Brook." Raven gave directions. The church. "Across the street from the burned church." The cabbie nodded. He pulled up and they got out. "Hospital paid the fare. You two girls have a good night." "Thanks." Jennifer waved him away. They waited for him to go, then crossed the street and went inside the church. Jennifer opened the store-room door and crawled inside. Raven's backpack was there, looking undisturbed. "C'mon!" Raven held onto the wall for a moment, then kneeled down and crawled inside. She found her blankets and flopped on them heavily. "Can I sleep here too?" "Your dad! Won't he be mad?" "Oh, I'm screwed anyway. Let me." Raven nodded. Jennifer curled up next to her and held her. * * * Jennifer woke to Raven starting to shiver. She felt her forehead. Hot. Very hot. She sighed. I wish I could just bring you home. She slid out of the little room, and found the sun out, weakly shining through the clouds. Breakfast? Might as well miss breakfast with dad. He'd be ready to throw things by now. She stretched and pulled her coat around her, smoothing the wrinkles out of it. She shivered and tried to get moving. She stepped out of the church and found nearly a foot of snow on the ground. She practiced a high-stepped jog to get through the snow, wishing the whole time that she had decent snow boots to wear. She jogged to the store. The clerk was just turning the sign and unlocking the door. She slipped inside. She had never seen the place empty before, before the crowds hit. It was silent outside. She supposed the snow kept everyone inside. She grabbed more cans of soup and went to the checkout. "You don't look so good. You sleep in your coat last night?" The clerk looked Jennifer up and down. Jennifer looked at herself self-consciously and wiped at a smudge of dirt on her hand. "Yeah." "Chicken noodle soup. Someone sick?" "My girlfriend." Jennifer braced for the glare, like the girl on the bus. A flash of recognition shot through the clerk's eyes and she smiled. Jennifer blinked. My turn to have my expectations shattered, she thought. "You're living on the street, aren't you?" "Yeah. No. She is. My girlfriend." "I thought so." "Why?" "You come in, dirty and rumpled in your coat. You buy chicken noodle soup twice in a row. Canned food, you can eat it without cooking." "How'd you put that together?" "Because that's what I'd do if I lost my apartment." Jennifer blinked again. "Can I help?" "Why? Why do you care?" "Because I've nearly been homeless. I barely make it here." Jennifer nodded. "And that's what I'd do for my girlfriend if she were living on the street and sick." Jennifer felt the loneliness she'd been holding in break. "I know how hard it is to not be able to let anyone know who your lover is. I wish I didn't. But I do. Let me help, please." Jennifer felt tears well up in her eyes. Loneliness melted away. "I know. I know how hard it is here. I moved here more than a year ago. I can't make ends meet more than barely. So many people are nasty to me. I met a few good ones though. Here, let me bag those up. My name is Alyson." "Jennifer." Alyson smiled even more warmly than before. Jennifer liked the way her gray eyes sparkled. Alyson put the cans in a bag. Jennifer picked it up and started toward the door. "Hey!" Alyson shouted at her a little. She turned around. "Where are you guys staying?" Jennifer panicked. She realized she had no clue whether Raven would mind. It was private space, and she was beginning to feel protective of it, too. Though, they didn't exactly own it, she thought. And she was lonely. "The burned out church on 16th." "Mind if I stop by after work? For once, I'm not working a double." "Yeah. Please. I'd love it." Jennifer took the bag. "Thank you so much. Thank you." Alyson smiled and waved and turned to the next customer. * * * Raven wasn't any better when she got there. Still fevered. Still deathly pale. She took out the can opener, and hacked at the can. She cursed under her breath, trying not to wake Raven. Raven didn't even stir. Jennifer watched her for a moment to make sure Raven was still breathing. She started to get nervous just as her chest moved. She relaxed and went back to trying to get the lid off of the can. Glancing at Raven, she found herself smiling. She kept imagining the soft but stong body under the baggy and torn clothes. I just want to curl up with her. Some place warm and dry and safe. Jennifer sighed inwardly. Not today. She prodded the can again, her hands getting tired. How does Raven do this!? The metal slowly gave way as she nibbled around the outside. The lid made an unsatisfying sound as it detached from the rim and sunk into the soup. She fished it out and set it aside, getting soup on herself. So much for being neat. She tried to wipe the soup off of her jacket and realized that it was the least of her worries. She saw how dirty she really was. She set the can aside and prodded Raven. She stirred and mumbled something, then settled down and was still again. Another prod, a little more vigorous. This time, Raven rolled slightly and opened her eyes. "Hey, dear." Raven blinked sleepily. "More soup." Raven smiled weakly. "You didn't have to. I was going to get up." "You were not. You were dead asleep. I had to wake you twice." "Did you really?" Jennifer smiled. "Yeah. You were really out. Here. Soup." Raven took the can she offered. She sipped it slowly. "Thank you. I feel so tired. So cold." Raven nodded, trying to keep herself awake. Jennifer started to worry. It's going to get colder. Shit. I wish there was heat in here. "Let me curl up with you. We can share body heat." I wish I could just take her home with me. Dad's having a fit already though. Last thing I need right now is to get kicked out for having a girlfriend. That would not sit well. I could live with Raven somewhere, though. Raven nodded and curled up, holding the blanket against her body. Jennifer tried to hold herself as close as she could, and pulled another blanket and her coat over them as best she could. She shivered a little, then felt herself drifting off to sleep. * * * Alyson watched the clock. 2:15. Another customer. 2:16. Another customer. 2:17. Another customer. 2:20. Forty minutes. 2:52. "Alyson?" Her manager tapped her on the shoulder. "Alyson. We're short someone for the evening shift. Can you stay?" It didn't sound like a question. She turned and faced her manager. "I can't. I have plans this evening." Her manager did not look pleased. "You're quite sure?" "Yes, Dan, I'm sure. I've worked doubles every day this week. I have a friend I have to take care of." Her manager looked down his nose at her. She was certain he had no friends and liked to jealously take out his frustration on those who did. "Fine." She knew there would be something special for her in the schedule because of that. Another week of doubles, or something. There wasn't much he could do to her that wasn't already happening though. She gritted her teeth. 2:53. She could feel him glaring at her. Seven more minutes. Another customer. 2:56. Four minutes. She wondered what Jennifer was doing right now. She wondered whether she was risking her manager's ire for nothing. The clock clicked to 3:00, she finished the customer she was checking out and tapped her manager on the shoulder. "I'm out." He glared at her again, nobody there to fill her place. "Alright, everyone. We're down to one register." Customers shuffled, and Alyson had to fight past them to get to the back of the store where the lockers were so she could get her backpack and jacket. She stepped out the back door of the store into the snow, now more than a foot deep, and an icy blast blew down the alley and she stumbled a little, more than slightly surprised. I haven't seen snow like this since I was at home in the mountains, she thought. She fished around in her bag for her scarf. Blue, silk and wool yarn. She'd made it as a first knitting project. She wrapped it around her face and remembered her mother's strong hands showing her the motions for knitting. She'd made dozens of things as a teenager, but the scarf was always a favorite. The yarn had been painstakingly salvaged from one of her grandmother's old sweaters. Moths had eaten one of the sleeves. Her mother had carefully separated the parts and helped her unravel them. She wound the scarf around her neck and remembered the winding motion, all those balls of blue yarn, soft and scratchy at the same time. The prickle against her face just made her remember all the more. She smiled, remembering the kittens they'd had that winter. They'd chased the balls as she worked endlessly. Knit, knit, purl, pull the string from the claws of the cats. Repeat. She tried to remember the patience she'd had then. She wasn't so weary as she was now. She thought of her cold apartment on the hill, thinking of the basket full of yarn sitting by the recliner she'd salvaged. She had imagined sitting there with a cup of tea, knitting in the evenings. Walls covered with letters and photos of friends. The walls were still blank. She'd come home and collapsed every night. She wrote a few letters, got a few in return. She hadn't had time to return half of those. Some nights it was a fight to make dinner. Half of them, she made toast and collapsed into bed. She trudged through the snow to 16th street. It tumbled over the top of her boots and chilled her ankles. She sighed. She hadn't brought her snow gear, still neatly packed into her room at her mother's house. No need, she'd thought. The scarf she thought she might need, with cold winds blowing in off the water, but snow she'd figured she'd have to travel to see. She saw the church down the street and trudged to the fence. She saw the faint dips in the snow where someone had walked into the alley and ducked under a section of fence. I bet this is where they get in. She shrugged and followed the path. She lifted the fence and slipped underneath. The tracks led into the burned-out sanctuary. She stepped inside and shivered. Such a beautiful building, destroyed. She saw the stained glass, half of it broken and much of the lead melted away. It's so sad, she thought. Beautiful work, all of it. She mentally traced the roof beams, feeling how the place fit together. So much dark wood, so much ornament, she thought. She remembered the tiny, white-walled meeting place her mother had taken her to every Sunday. She tried to imagine what the building looked like before the fire. So rich. She saw the damp tracks around the piles of rubble and into the office in the back of the church. She took a deep breath, eyeing the roof beams overhead, thinking they didn't look entirely sound. She shrugged and trudged in. Her wet shoes made a harsh sound, too harsh for the silence of the church. She shivered. The office was empty. She wondered if Jennifer was here. She shifted uncomfortably, not sure whether to wait or to go when she noticed the little door to the store-room. She pulled it open gently. Jennifer stirred and sat up, blinking. "Who's there?" More blinking as she woke more. "Oh! Alyson!" she exclaimed in a hushed voice. "Hey, come on in. There's room for three." Alyson ducked into the tiny room and slid on her hip in next to Jennifer. "Wow. It's so tiny." Jennifer nodded. "Feels like it's warming up with three bodies, though." Jennifer smiled. "How is she?" Jennifer bit her lip and shook her head. "Not so good." Alyson nodded. "What's her name?" "Raven." Raven stirred in her sleep, cried out a little, then stilled again. "How high's her fever?" "I don't know. It's so cold here, her skin feels cool. But if I cuddle up to her, she's burning up in minutes. It's high, I think. I can't tell." Jennifer whispered. "I'm scared." Alyson smiled sadly and hugged Jennifer. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I have an idea." "Yeah?" "Yeah. She can't stay out here in this. It's too cold. Lets get her inside. We can bring her back to my place." "Really?" Jennifer looked relieved. "You wouldn't be out here if she could go to your house. She can't stay out here." "I couldn't... we couldn't." Come on, come with me. It's the least I can do. Nobody else in this city is going to help. "I mean it. I can't do much, but I do have warm and dry." Jennfer nodded and prodded Raven. "Uuuh?" Raven looked up at Jennifer sleepily. "Let me sleep" she mumbled and turned over again. Jennifer prodded her again, then leaned down and nuzzled her neck. "Hey." "Uuuh?" Jennifer gently kissed Raven's neck. "Mmph." Raven sat up and shook her head, her dreads swinging and making a muffled drumming as they hit the wall behind her. "I'm okay. I'm coming. I'll be there. In a minute." She trailed off, realizing she was spouting nonsense and shook her head again. "I think I was dreaming." "It sounded like it." "I thought there was someone here. I couldn't see though." Alyson thought Raven sounded scared. "Dear, it's okay. It's okay." Alyson watched her from behind Jennifer as best she could in the dark and held her breath, feeling like she was intruding on an intimate moment. Raven looked around and startled when she saw Alyson. "It's okay. This is Alyson. She's really nice." Raven looked closer and smiled. "Nice jacket" she mumbled weakly. "Hi." Alyson grinned a little. Is this a bad idea? Images of her landlord coming in and in broken Chinese, accusing her of having illegal occupants flew through her mind. Damnit! Why aren't things easier? I don't even know what to say. Raven wobbled some more. She really doesn't look good, Alyson thought. "I have an apartment you can stay in. There's not much, but you can stay there. Stay warm." Raven looked wary. "Really. It's okay." Please. I like you already and you could die out here. I really hope it's okay, anyway. But I can deal with my landlord if I have to. "Okay. I guess." Jennifer and Alyson both let out relieved breaths. Alyson glanced at Jennifer. She was watching her. Her face looked more relaxed than she had all day. Jennifer mouthed "Thank you" to her. * * * They held onto the pole on the bus, supporting Raven. Nobody moved to give her a seat. Damnit, Alyson cursed to herself. What the is wrong with people in this city? She clung to the pole tighter as Raven leaned against her. She was glad Jennifer had taken Raven's backpack. It was hard enough to stand up with Raven leaning against her. "Are we almost there?" Raven looked even more exhausted and Alyson wondered how that was possible. She sighed. She knew just from looking that she wasn't herself. She looked like a fighter, and here she was, weakly clinging to the two girls in a city bus. "Ten blocks." Raven nodded weakly and clung tighter. Alyson pushed her a little more upright. "Soon." Jennifer looked out the window. "No way. You live near the top of Panoramic." Alyson nodded. "Only place I could find when I moved here. Big old house that's now apartments. It's funny how when you have a really old big place, you can make it an expensive house or cheap apartments. My landlord is evil, though. I'm ... I'm hoping that having Raven there doesn't get me in trouble. But whatever." Jennifer nodded again. "Thank you." Alyson pulled the signal cord, and a moment later, the bus jerked to a stop. Raven nearly pulled the two of them over, and they stumbled off the bus. Alyson trudged first, the knee-high snow falling into her shoes. "This way. My entrance is around back." Raven stumbled and ended up kneeling in the snow. Alyson helped Jennifer hoist her back up. Her cargo pants were soaked and she was shivering. * * * I have never felt so glad to be home, thought Alyson. She locked the door behind them. "Here. You can sleep in my bed." Raven nodded and tottered. Jennifer slipped the backpack off next to the door and helped her to the bed. Raven moaned as she sat down, rolling onto her side and curling up. Alyson leaned against the doorway and watched Jennifer curl next to Raven for a moment and pull the blanket around her. She tried to look away as Jennifer helped Raven get her wet clothes off. I should let them be, she thought. She smiled softly at the care Jennifer took, how gentle she was. Jennifer tucked the blankets around Raven and stood slowly and watched her, nodding to herself as she saw Raven's breathing settle into a steady rhythm and the shivering stop. She turned around and started as she saw Alyson watching her. "Oh, hi." Alyson smiled at Jennifer. "Thank you. Thank you so much." "Of course! Come on. Let me make you something to eat." "You don't have to!" "Oh, I know. I don't have much, but I can make better soup than you've been eating with her. It's the least I can do." Alyson bit her lip and blushed a little as she saw the tears appear in Jennifer's eyes. "You mind lentil soup?" Jennifer shook her head and Alyson smiled a little. Jennifer wandered to the other door in the little kitchen and looked around the spartan living room. She pulled the small pan out of the refrigerator and put it on the stove and then went hunting for a match in the little box on the back. She struck it and lit the burner, and lit another and set a steel tea kettle on. "This place was built in the forties. It hasn't been updated since then." She felt self-conscious about how bare her apartment was. "Sorry it isn't homier in here. I haven't had time to decorate. I don't really have people over much." Jennifer smiled, tears still in her eyes. "It's fine. It's more than fine. I was so scared. I still am, I mean... Thank you." "Soup will be ready in a few. I made it last night, just has to re-heat." "Thank you." Alyson went into the living room and moved boxes off the tiny couch. A file box full of papers she thought would be important when she lived on her own. A box of pots and pans that she had never used. A box of yarn and knitting supplies. "Sit with me?" Jennifer sat down. "Are you okay?" "I think so." "You looked like you really could use a friend." "Yeah. I think I really could. I think I got in over my head sometimes. I wish I could just be a normal girl, who does okay in school and whose parents get along and don't treat her like shit. But then I meet Raven, and she's amazing and intense and wonderful and different and scary..." Alyson pulled Jennifer over to lean against her. "It'll be okay, sweetie." "You think Raven's going to be okay?" "Looks like flu to me. Soup, tea, plenty of sleep. Yeah. I think she'll pull through just fine." Jennifer leaned back against Alyson. "Thank you. I'm glad." She looked upward, and laughed at the angle she saw Alyson from. She slid down and put her head in her lap. "I haven't been this relaxed in a while." "Yeah?" "Yeah... My family's been awful. I haven't told them yet. I'm not sure which part is gonna get them the worst. That I've been dating a girl, or that she's homeless." "Not good, eh?" "No, not really. I think dad married mom for money and not love. They're divorced now, but they'd never admit they made a mistake. I don't think dad has in his whole life. Homeless? Don't even think about it. I think that every goal they ever had was based on money." "Wow. I can't imagine what that's like. My dad was a miner in the mountains for a while. The mines closed. He makes do, he owns this crazy little piece of land on the edge of a mountain. It's mostly vertical, no hope in hell of it being usable to anyone, but he built this little cabin that holds onto the side. It's kinda clever." "Ooh, fun!" "Yeah. He's a jerk, and he left mom when I was little. It's not like he had money anyway, so he never supported us. Mom works the crazy part-time jobs you find in those little mountain towns. She's done everything. We never saved anything, really, but she always managed to keep us fed and warm." "It was just you and her?" "Yeah. She wanted more kids. She -really- wanted more kids. She never talked about it, but I found old letters of hers to dad, when he was away working in a mine a hundred miles away. That's pretty much all they had going for them. They both wanted kids. I think when she found out that she probably couldn't ever have kids, that was the beginning of the end for them." "But you came along." "I was total luck. Mom's letters said how surprised she was. The doctor she'd been seeing was floored. She bled a lot when she had me, though, and nearly died. I think she realized what a miracle it was, then. She lived, however barely, and I'm here." Alyson let herself relax into the couch and rub Jennifer's head. "I'm really glad you did." "I did what?" "Come along I mean. I'm really glad you're here, now. You're amazing." Alyson smiled. "Thanks." The tea kettle in the kitchen whistled gently. Alyson jostled under Jennifer and then slid out from under her and went to see about it. The whistle died off before it got loud as the heat was cut from it. "You like mint okay?" Alyson was leaning against the door frame and watching her. "Yeah! Tea?" Jennifer heard two pouring noises, and then soup being spooned into two dishes. Alyson reappeared in the doorway, balancing two bowls on one hand and holding two mugs in her other. She kicked a wooden chair away from the wall and toward the couch, managing to keep her balance. Jennifer grinned at her. She put the bowls on the chair quickly and blew on her hand. "Hot!" She set the tea down and pulled the chair closer, then wriggled in next to Jennifer's head. Jennifer smiled and sat up. "You are so sweet. Thank you so much." Alyson pulled her knees up and took a bowl and balanced it on them, just below her chin. She stuck a spoon in and smiled happily through the steam rising off the bowl. "My mom used to make this soup all the time. We lived on it in the winter. She'd do a dozen different things with it. Sometimes, carrots, or bay leaves, or rosemary. Sometimes onions." She made a face as she said the last one. "You don't like onions either?" "Not really. They're okay if you hide them, but chunks? Ick." Jennifer giggled. Alyson grinned over her soup. "I just realized that I haven't had anyone sleep over at my place since I was thirteen!" "Aw! That's sad! This is kinda like a slumber party!" Jennifer grinned and ate her soup. "I'm not sure I can stay, though." She made a face. "Shit's going down at home. Dad had just finished chewing me out when I got a call that Raven was in the ER, after falling down, since she got up when she was sick and kinda passed out there in the church." Alyson winced. "She was in the ER and they let her go this sick?" "She wasn't quite this bad. And ... " "What?" "... I'm not sure they care about anyone who's homeless very much." Alyson nodded. "I wish I didn't know exactly what you mean. A man overdosed on heroin and stumbled out in front of me and passed out on my way home. Right into the street. I called for help, and nobody came but a cop who just drove past. They left him right there." "What did you do?" "I went up the street and found a bar that was still open and the owner came down with me, and when he saw the cop drive by, he called on his cell phone and ... " Jennifer looked over at her expectantly. Alyson checked her rage and continued. "... He didn't mention that the guy looked homeless. And I suspect that they listened to him because he was male. Someone was there a few minutes later." She choked back venom. It had been so infuriating! "Oh, that's awful. I'm glad they came though." "Yeah, me too. And ..." Alyson trailed off. "What?" "I feel kinda bad for saying it, but I'm really glad it happened. I met two really amazing and wonderful guys because of it. The bar owner and his roommate. They're really nice, both of them. Bill and Will." Jennifer smiled. "Both named William, eh?" Alyson laughed. "Yeah. Not that they're anything alike. Bill's big and loud. He's an amazing chef. Will... I don't know him so well. He's quiet. Always wearing tight black turtlenecks. He's really cute, usually curled up on the couch with a cup of tea balanced on his chest and his nose in some book. I think he's gay." "I wish I had friends like you do. That sounds so nice. Just to hang out with nice people. Even if they are older than me." Alyson laughed. "They're my only friends here. Well. I like you, so I think I just made more." Jennifer smiled at her. "I like that. I really like that." "I like it too. I'm so glad I met you." "Alyson?" "Yeah?" "This is really good soup." Jennifer blushed. I hope she's not getting a crush on me, Alyson thought. "Thank you. It's not much. I eat a lot of it." Alyson watched Jennifer's face, noticing the eager looks and the "Is there more?" "Help yourself." Definitely crushing. Breaking that is not going to be fun. "Mind if I check on Raven?" "Nah, it's fine." Alyson slipped into the bedroom and shivered. There was frost on the window. "Raven?" Raven stirred and didn't wake. Alyson knelt down and felt her forehead. Still hot. And in the cold room, she thought. She stood up and slipped back out the door, holding the knob carefully to not even click. She found herself thinking about Raven's neat rows of dreadlocks, so easily bundled up and tied with the scarf she had with her. I wish I could do something to my hair. Jennifer looked up, spooning soup into her bowl. "Thank you again. This really is good." Alyson smiled softly. "I'm glad you like it." Her face got more serious. "I think she needs more medicine... I didn't want to wake her. But the fever's still going." "Okay." Jennifer set her bowl on the stove and grabbed the medicine from Raven's backpack. She slipped into the room. Alyson listened through the closed door. "Hey dear." Muffled noises. "You need more medicine. Your fever's really high." a pause "Your fever's really high". More muffled noises. "It's gonna be okay. Yeah. You should sleep." Jennifer slipped back out and the door clicked into place. "Is there a way to get more heat in there?" Jennifer sounded worried. "I wish. The door open helps a little, but not much. It's on the cold side of the building, and the landlord has the thermostat. She sets it to whatever she can get away with. There's a quilt in the basket at the foot of the bed, though." "Oh!" Jennifer slipped back in the room. "Here. Yeah. There's more blankets." Alyson poured the rest of the soup out of the pot into her bowl and filled the pot with water to soak. She shivered as she dipped her hands in the icy water, too impatient to let it heat up. She scrubbed and watched the clouds and snow blow around the point jutting out into the ocean to the west. How much longer is this cold going to last? She finished scrubbing and went to the livingroom to find a sweater, then curling up on the couch with the bowl of soup. She put her fingers against the bowl until it was uncomfortably hot. She heard the click of the bedroom door and looked up to see Jennifer coming out of the kitchen. "Hey... everything okay in there?" "Yeah. She's just anxious. I think the fever and ... well, being indoors isn't her normal mode of operation." "I can imagine." Jennifer sat down next to her on the couch. "How'd you meet Raven?" "I was hanging out with a bunch of friends, window-shopping. She skated past me and was kinda checking me out. She came by again... I kinda followed her." "Sounds like fun. I wish I had time to meet people ... it's so hard, I work all the time." "Yeah," said Jennifer. "What do you do for fun?" Alyson bit her lip self-consciously. "I'm a little weird I guess. I knit. I draw. I used to play the guitar, but I've been too tired and I left my guitar at my mother's when I moved out. I love old radio plays. I used to check them out of the library, but I haven't been there in a while." Jennifer grinned. "I like guitar. What do you draw?" Alyson "People. Where I grew up. Things. I haven't much since I moved... I haven't really unpacked, and I've been here more than a year. Work." "Have anything I could see?" Alyson nodded and fished around in a box in the corner of the living room and pulled out a couple of big black sketchbooks. "Look at this one first." Jennifer leafed through the pages. Delicate sketches of leaves and trees and flowers graced the pages. Careful, deliberate handwriting gave the names of each one, in latin, in English. A sketch of a woman sitting at a desk. "Who's that?" "That's my mother. I was at work with her that day." "Wow. You're really good." "Not really." Alyson shifted in her seat. "Yes, really!" Alyson couldn't help but be amused at Jennifer's enthusiasm. More pages. More leaves. A black and white spotted cat. "That's Soccer Ball. My dad loved that cat." Jennifer smiled. "More tea?" "Yes, please." Alyson started for the kitchen. She watched the world outside the window above the sink again, filling the tea kettle. There was a huge tanker out on the ocean. Gray clouds hung flat over the horizon. She set the kettle on the stove. "Oh, wow. I really like this one." came Jennifer's voice from the other room. "Which one?" Alyson struck a match and the burner lit with a 'foomp' and walked back to the living room. "She's really pretty" Jennifer said. Alyson peeked over the page and saw what she was looking at and felt her face get hot. "Oh. Um." She was acutely aware of Jennifer looking up at her. "Thanks." She tried not to let her voice squeak from embarrasment. "Who is she?" "My friend Lyssa." She struggled to breathe normally. I wish I could fit under the couch, she thought. I could hide there until I stop blushing. "Wow, she's so pretty. She let you draw her naked?" More blushing. Damnit! I shouldn't be so sensitive like this! "She was my girlfriend. Kind-of anyway." "What's a kind-of girlfriend?" "She was my best friend, from the time I was thirteen. There aren't a lot of people in that town, and I lived up out of town a way. There's a little cluster of houses -- ten or so -- right around a bend in the road. She lived in that same group of houses, about a mile away from my house. "Her mom worked a lot, travelling. It's one of the ways to make enough money when you live out there. With the mines closed, it was really hard for everyone. She worked for some company in the city. Sometimes her mom would be gone for a week at a time, and she'd stay over at my house. "We were always really close. I had the biggest crush on her ever. I think she might have been just indulging me. I'm not really sure. We spent a ton of time together. A lot of it just wandering around the woods. She loved anything natural, and I liked being out in the woods. We had a tree fort when we were fourteen. "When I was sixteen, I asked her if she'd be my girlfriend. She didn't really answer. That night she let me draw her. That picture was the first one. She was so scared! The house was so chilly, too. I finally got out of my little attic room for a few minutes and added a couple logs to the fire." Jennifer grinned and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to keep warm in the chilly apartment. "Like this one." "Only we had a wood stove." "Yeah. What happened then?" "I finished drawing, and we ended up cuddling for a while." "I drew a picture of her every week that summer. They're in the book, too. We had some extra time on Sunday nights, no school, my mom was out late at meetings for her job that year. We'd have the night to ourselves. She stayed at a friend's house in the town where the meetings happened, because they always got done so late and she can't see very well at night. It always scared her to come back at night alone." Jennifer slowly leafed through the pictures as Alyson talked. "One time we went out in the woods and she sat and posed by the creek. I drew a dozen pictures that day. It was a warm day in the middle of fall, the leaves were turning, and the whole world was burnt orange and yellow and reds. The trees near the lake at home all change. The mountains are mostly evergreen, but there's this hardwood forest around the lake. It's so pretty. She dressed up in this old suit of her dad's, and a top hat she found somewhere. We found this gorgeous scarf the exact color of the leaves. "We took pictures, too." Alyson blushed. "Some of them nude. I guess we were kinda pretentious, and we called it art. I bet I have them somewhere if they're not at my mother's, mixed with her photo gear. My mother has an obsession with cameras, she must have a dozen. She gets them at yard sales and flea markets and wherever, whenever we're some place and she sees one, the rest of the day is out because she's got to tinker with it. She's good with delicate things. She can fix pianos, too, and bicycles." "Your mother didn't mind?" "She found out we'd been taking pictures nude when she developed them. I was going to, in the little darkroom in the basement of that house. She taught me how to develop film when I was eleven. I think she just tidied up one day and found the film and threw them in the basket of rolls to process. She asked me to help her print a couple rolls, and had them hanging to dry. I looked up from the developing tank and saw her taking them down. She just said 'I really like this one, Alyson. She's beautiful, and you captured it well.' I think she would have framed it and hung it up in the hallway if it wasn't her friend's daughter. I've always known my mother is one of those really rare people who just gets it." And so far, nobody's been the opposite. Yet. "Wow. I wish my parents were that accepting. I wish my parents ... I don't know. I wish I could run away, go live somewhere else." Jennifer sighed heavily. "I've never had a day that good. I wish I could." "That day was so amazing. That suit looked so good on her. We came home that evening and kept playing around, taking pictures and being silly. I found this dress that went with the suit so well, and put it on. We finally settled down, and I helped her undress. I remember laughing and figuring out why men's clothes button backward. Well, or women's do. So someone can help you dress and undress! "We both ended up in our underwear, and the house was so warm that we went to bed that way. We had the wood stove going, but it got so unseasonably warm that day. "I can still remember how it felt. We'd cuddled before, but she was nearly naked, and so beautiful. I could remember how every bit looked as I curled up next to her. I undressed too. Nothing happened -- nothing like that -- but we stayed the whole night that way. "I'm not sure she was okay with it. Not really. We never talked about it, and she and I didn't talk so much after that. We'd go on long walks, but whenever we started talking about attractions or love or whatever, she got really quiet and she'd start just looking at trees and bark and leaves." Alyson sighed. "She was really important to me. I'm really sad about it all. I don't know what happened. We just drifted apart really fast after that." Jennifer wrapped her arms around Alyson. "That's awful." Alyson hugged Alyson back. "Thank you. I needed a hug. I think I forgot how to ask for one." "Any time you want one, you can get one from me." "I'd like that." Please no more than that right now, okay? Alyson sighed. Just friends. The light in the room began to fade. Alyson stood up and snapped on the overhead light, suddenly harsh after the barely-noticed twilight. "Oh! What time is it?" Jennifer looked at her watch. "Oh, no. I am in deep shit. I'm missing dinner, and after dad demanded that I show up for breakfast this morning, that is not going to go well. Can I borrow the phone and call at least?" "Actually, I never got a phone... I just couldn't afford it." "Oh. Well." "Yeah. I know." "Okay, then. I've got to go. I'm going to be in deep trouble. Alyson? Thank you so much. I'll be back tomorrow?" Alyson nodded. "Come by. It's my one day off this week. I don't have plans. I'm sure Raven's not going anywhere tomorrow either." "Okay. See you!" Jennifer ran out the back door so quickly that the wall rattled when she slammed the door shut and bounced down the stairs and into the foot-deep snow. That was sudden, Alyson thought, and tried to collect her feelings. I wonder how Raven is. She slipped into the bedroom and shivered at the chill. I wish this place had decent heat! She touched Raven's forehead. Might be coming down. That's good at least. Raven stirred under the covers and her eyelids fluttered open. "Hey" Alyson watched her wake up. "Hey. You're ..." Raven looked like she was groping for a word or name. "I'm Alyson." "Alyson. Alyson." She closed her eyes for a moment and drew a breath. "Alyson. I thought you were a dream." "No, no dream. You're safe here. Warmer than outside anyway." "Thank you." She couldn't tell whether Raven was nodding with the thank you or out of exhaustion. "Jennifer just had to leave. I think her family's going to be mad at her." "Yeah. She'll be back?" "Tomorrow." Alyson felt herself admiring how direct Raven was. Is she like this when she's not sick, she wondered. Raven struggled to sit up, pulling the quilt with her. Alyson lifted her shoulders. "So. Tired." Raven was out of breath. "Dear, you're exhausted. You were sick and out in the cold. It's going to take a little bit to heal." Raven nodded and blinked a bit more. "Thirsty." Alyson stood up and grabbed a glass water bottle off the counter by the sink and sat down next to Raven again. "Here. I'm sure you're dehydrated." Raven carefully sipped at the water. That seems to liven her up a little bit, thought Alyson.